Do the Math

I’m off to a good start today 1/2 cup dry cornpops (60cals), 3 glasses of water, 1 cup green tea. Something really useful I’ve learned is that, depending on the circumstances, it is NEVER too late too spit out your food. Just because it’s in your mouth doesn’t mean you have to swallow it.  A good philosophy for holidays like Valentine’s Day and Easter. Something else for everyday to keep in mind as well: You can cut servings in half, it makes a difference.  Invest in some measuring cups, if you haven’t already, or if possible by one of those little food weighing scales. This is the best way to ensure that you know how much food you’re eating. I have tons of measuring cups at home because my mom used to own a bakery and I make good use of them, carefully measuring out everything. After all, what good is it to know the calories in something if you’re unsure of how much you’re eating? Not knowing causes more anxiety than knowing. Spending the rest of the day wondering if you ate a 500cal serving or a 200cal serving of noodles is stressful(Why would you be eating noodles anyway?) and when it comes to calculations, you can’t just guess. Weight loss is math in disguise.

I had a little bit of a happy moment today. I had a dress hanging up in my closet that I bought for a special occasion in September, only wore it once and when I did it was pretty tight on me. I tried it on today and it nearly slid off me, it was so baggy! I hadn’t even realized the difference until I put on the dress. I looked like a worm in a windsock. Needless to say, I did a happy dance. It’s small victories like this that motivate me further. Working hard pays off for sure and I’m going to keep going!

Bracelets, anyone?

I just went through my kitchen and got rid of a whole bunch of food. In case I never mentioned it, I live with my mom so I need to create the illusion of food being eaten. Lately I’ve been shoving food in the empty food packages of stuff my family has eaten (e.g. Empty cracker boxes, cereal boxes, chip bags.) so I don’t have to worry about hiding food in my room. It works awesome because the food just goes in the regular trash. Another little trick I’ve picked up is double bagging the garbage can in my room. When I throw out say, a plate of spaghetti, I dump it in the first bag and then put the other one with my regular trash on top. When it’s time to take out the trash, I scoop it up and tie the bags like they were one bag and throw them out. I’m also thinking of making a bunch of red pro ana bracelets and selling them on etsy. I’m artsy so I like to do things like that. I dunno, though. Would anybody buy them? Also I’m wondering how many people wear the red bracelets as I have never seen anyone in my area with one and I myself do not wear one.

Tools of the Trade

I thought I would be writing about BMR today but I changed my mind. Instead I want to talk about different tools and resources (besides pro-ana websites) available on the internet. I have some links to share that I use and I think they will be useful to you too!

http://www.bmi-calculator.net/ - BMI, BMR, Body Fat Calculators. This site even gives you the formulas if you feel like figuring stuff out on your own. Definitely the best calculators I’ve seen, plus they’re all on one website!

Traineo – Free weight loss and fitness website lets you track your weight loss and set goals for specific dates. Displays your progress in a graph, tells you how many pounds total you have lost and automatically displays your bmi value! You can even log the amount of exercise and food. I highly recommend this, it's a great tool to keep you on track.

Livstrong.com/TheDailyPlate – Another fitness tracking site. Basic membership is free with the option of upgrading to a paid subscription. Livestrong.com and TheDailyPlate used to be two seperate sites but they are now joined. You can search TDP database for the caloric and nutritional content on almost ANY food, super handy if you ask me. The site lets you track all the food you eat and how much exercise you do. You can set caloric goals and as you track your food intake, it will tell you how many calories you have left before you exceed your goal. The only downside to this one is that you have to pay to track your weight loss BUT you can still do it through the Livestrong “Dares”. This option is not as nice as the log on Traineo so I use the two sites together.

Those are what I use and I love them. Tracking your progress regularly can really give you that extra burst of motivation. I am, however, trying to get out of the habit of weighing myself everyday. It’s kind of a compulsion for me.

On other personal updates, I’m fasting again. Today is day one and I know I probably shouldn’t fast as much as I do but I feel so anxious when I’m not fasting, that eating can be torture. When I eat, I scream on the inside so I avoid it. I am living proof that anorexia can affect many different types. I consider myself to be very logical, and as demonstrated, scientific and analytical so it seems hard for some to believe that someone like me would have an ED. Sometimes things are about how you feel and chaos just isn’t logical but when you find something that works to control your life, you grab onto it and you never let go. Have I thought of recovering yet? Nope. Will I ever? Maybe. But I’m not ready yet and if you can’t do it for yourself, then you probably can’t do it at all. When I’m ready to do it for me, then I’ll do it. As it stands right now, nobody knows so I don’t stand to lose by continuing. There are some people who I imagine are suspicious, but I’ve taken extra care around those people.

I’d like to start a network of pro-ana blogs if anybody is interested, maybe swap links. One of my big goals with this blog is to reach out a little bit. I’m not really part of any pro-ana forums because I haven’t found any that I feel I could really fit into and I’m a little bit shy. Writing on my own is kind of my way to ease into the community and hopefully make some friends. I am always looking for ana friends as I have none right now. Drop me an email sometime at zoeprks@gmail.com, I’d really like to talk.

Love,

Zoe