I'm putting together a brand new website. It will basically be an integration of my blog and my other website only better organized. I have already imported all my entries and eventually I will delete my blog here and move fully to the other site. I've decided it's just too much work and hassle to maintain the sites separately. I'm also thinking of starting a forum but we'll see how things go on the new site. As always, I'm sticking with an ultra discreet template. Any comments and suggestions, are always welcome.

Back again, again.

So it feels like it's been forever! My internet conked out AGAIN and I didn't get it back until this past friday. Hopefully this is the last time I have to write a "back again" post. Geez. Anyway, I checked my stats counter and I have over 1000 hits so far, yay! Anyway, I'm contemplating making a new version of the {secretlystarving} website on a new host. If I did, would it be worth paying for better hosting??

Back.

I’ve been away for a very long while. Mostly due to the fact that my internet hasn’t been working and I just got it fixed. I’m ashamed to say that during that time of being away I got totally off track but I’m ready to get back on. My first day back being yesterday, I checked my email to find a message from a concerned woman who apparently thought that by telling my how “wrong” ana is, she would totally rehabilitate me and save my soul. I must admit I tried to respond very neutrally but in the end I think my response sounded rather sharp. This woman, said to have stumbled upon my site accidentally, indicated quite clearly through her trite and misguided statements that she had barely the faintest idea of what she was talking about. Had she known what she was talking about, she may have gotten a “thank you for you concern, have a nice day.” not a full blow mockery of her self-righteous, “I’m-gonna-save-a-life-today” plea. I guess though, what’s really sad is that she must of thought I was going to email her back saying “Oh, thank you! You’ve made me see the error of my ways. I’m going to turn over a new leaf and go eat a sandwich! You have saved my life!” Are you fucking serious? Bitch, the only thing you’ve accomplished is giving me something to write about.

Anyway, that’s my little vent. I have to do some more content uploading to the other site. Apparently it has done quite well while I was away and I got tons of positive responses and comments so thanks to everyone for that! And REMEMBER: for every person who gives you a disgusted look and says “Fuck, go eat a sandwich!”, there is a fellow ana who understands you.

Love,

Zoe

Two.

Today is day two of my fast. I had to start late due to some complications but I’m well on my way now. I joined a forum, which you can check out here. I think I will really like it there, as the goals of the creator seem to be to create a tight-knit community for friends and support, which is what I hope to get out of a form experience. I also joined a wetpaint wiki but I’m not sure I’ll stay very long, too much drama. Too bad really because there is a wealth of info on there but really no room for contribution. Anywho, I was really worried last night that I might break my fast because my mom prepared my favorite pasta but I prevailed and I’m still working hard! I work the rest of the week until Saturday so I won’t have much time to think about food. I always do better when there are lots of distractions or I am busy.

Do the Math

I’m off to a good start today 1/2 cup dry cornpops (60cals), 3 glasses of water, 1 cup green tea. Something really useful I’ve learned is that, depending on the circumstances, it is NEVER too late too spit out your food. Just because it’s in your mouth doesn’t mean you have to swallow it.  A good philosophy for holidays like Valentine’s Day and Easter. Something else for everyday to keep in mind as well: You can cut servings in half, it makes a difference.  Invest in some measuring cups, if you haven’t already, or if possible by one of those little food weighing scales. This is the best way to ensure that you know how much food you’re eating. I have tons of measuring cups at home because my mom used to own a bakery and I make good use of them, carefully measuring out everything. After all, what good is it to know the calories in something if you’re unsure of how much you’re eating? Not knowing causes more anxiety than knowing. Spending the rest of the day wondering if you ate a 500cal serving or a 200cal serving of noodles is stressful(Why would you be eating noodles anyway?) and when it comes to calculations, you can’t just guess. Weight loss is math in disguise.

I had a little bit of a happy moment today. I had a dress hanging up in my closet that I bought for a special occasion in September, only wore it once and when I did it was pretty tight on me. I tried it on today and it nearly slid off me, it was so baggy! I hadn’t even realized the difference until I put on the dress. I looked like a worm in a windsock. Needless to say, I did a happy dance. It’s small victories like this that motivate me further. Working hard pays off for sure and I’m going to keep going!

V-Day

Valentine’s day is over with for another year, and now the only sweet or food oriented holiday isn’t until April (Easter). I received some chocolate this year, which currently resides in the garbage. Extra kudos to me because they were the good kind. Now my dilemma is that last week, in a moment of panic, I purged in the waist basket in my room and it leaked through the bag and now my it’s starting to smell like fermenting fruit (weird). I’m home in the morning though so I’ll clean it out then while everyone is out. Today I ate a small apple and a 1/2 cup of plain cheerios without milk, I really didn’t drink enough water though. I gotta watch that because I’m working again so I’ll become more easily dehydrated. I’m starting a water fast on Thursday! I’m going for a five day this time around but I’m a little concerned because I’m pretty active at my new job and I don’t wanna pass out. The last thing I need is suspicious co-workers. If I get too tired, I’ll switch to juice but I’m going to try hard to go on just water. After I’m done fasting and have eased my way back onto solid food, I want to try the Russian Gymnast diet. Basically it goes as follows:

Breakfast:
Glass of either orange or apple juice
Lunch:
Fruit Salad (made off kiwi fruit, orange, pineapple, and peeled apples)
Glass of fruit juice (from one of the above fruits)
Dinner:
Glass of non carbonated water*
Green apple
Anyone on this diet for 5-7 days can loose between 4 lbs-11 lbs
*non carbonated means non fizzy, so like normal water.

Living at home with my family might make this one a little difficult to follow but if I can fast at home, I can do this too!

New Website!!!

I made a big decision today. I decided I want to write more personally in my blog. I noticed my blog was quickly becoming impersonal and more research and resource centered so I decided to start a separate website, {secretlystarving}. I got most of the framework in place today and now I’m just trying to sort through my content and what not. My main goal is to basically make an pro-ana library of sorts. I want to have all the best info on one site which is easily navigable and aesthetically pleasing while supporting already existing pro-ana websites. Furthermore, there is an area on the home page for links to other ana blogs and websites. If you would like to have your link displayed, please email me and I can put it up. This will be my contribution to the pro-ana community and it will allow me to focus on personal stuff in my blog. I am also looking for content submissions and ideas so if you have any, I would love to hear from you!

Some of the categories include: Diets, Fasting, Exercise, Secrecy, Foods & Nutritional info, Distractions. If you have any suggestions for topics you may email those as well. Also, I would prefer any content submissions to be in a word document attached to the email rather than just in the body of the email itself and be sure to put ana or something in the subject line so I don’t think it’s spam. I guess that’s it for now, I’m off to work more on the new site!

Love,

Zoe